I've noticed lately that since the beginning of this year, there's been some sort of decrease in my motivation to continue studying at university. It got worse after the end of last semester when I learned that I failed not one, but two subjects out of three. It's as if it wasn't enough that I was already expecting to fail one of them by not doing well in producing any efficient work on the big project, but failing the other subject where I did actually put time and effort into producing it really stinks. Thinking back on it, I feel like I would've done so much better on the assignment that I chose to abandon.
I feel like my motivation really started to dwindle right after the moment I got my results back for the assignments where I really tried. As in, REALLY tried. I was working my butt off at that time. I was going to the university study lounge every day (except for the weekends) just so I can put in some time to work on my assignments and other things, only for me to submit assignments late and get "passable" grades, hardly changing from the grades I used to get when I didn't try as much.
It's also been happening too often that I get thoughts telling my that university is still totally out of my league, wondering how I'm still in classes after three years, and especially wondering how I even got accepted in the first place. I try to avoid them, but there's always something talking at the back of my head saying it's all true. It also doesn't help that I've got some warnings about my grades recently. I should probably speak to the university counsellor about this.
I actually did have a talk with my dad about this recently. He told me that I should take a break after this semester's over. The reason is, if I get kicked out (or whatever the consequence is) and I eventually want to get back in a few years time, I might not be able to study ever again. It's kind of worrying, but I hope I manage to make things work out. Hopefully.
