Finished my final semester of university

You may have noticed that I hadn't posted anything new in a while, and that the last post was about how I was starting my final year of university. I guess that didn't work out back then (I wasn't able to do enough to land me a graduation, haha...) Anyways, a lot has happened since then. 

First, I completed an RSA course sometime in 2024, mainly because I wanted to higher my chances getting a part-time job somewhere. I'm still unemployed, mainly because I wanted to focus the most in my studies because I'm prone to messing up, and failing was something I couldn't afford. Second, I got diagnosed with ADHD, which explains a lot about my performance in school growing up, university and life in general. I'm being treated for it now, trying to build better habits, and I think things have been a lot easier since then. 

Now, I've recently submitted my final assignments for my final two courses in university. They were both electives in Creative Writing and I'm feeling extremely confident that I've done (hopefully more than) enough to pass them. To be honest, I feel like I've performed my best in those two courses out of a vast majority of the previous ones I've taken, haha.

Anyways, since they were the last two courses in my Media degree, and since I'm pretty sure I did well in them, that likely means I'll be ready graduate. I'm pretty excited.

Starting my LAST year of uni

Now that it's Saturday, it's official - I have survived my first week back at uni. I'm coming back to something a little stronger than I'm used to, with a total of three subjects this semester. One is focused on popular media and ranchises, the other about creative non-fiction, and the third about how the illusion of motion is created in animation. 

I'm starting off pretty optimistic, especially since these courses cover topics that I'm interested in. Even so, I know this will be very stressful - I've even struggled with only two courses on my shoulders before. But, this is my final year and I aim to work my butt off. I don't care. Anyways, wishing myself luck for this year. I'm going to need it.

My motivation for studying (or lack of)

I've noticed lately that since the beginning of this year, there's been some sort of decrease in my motivation to continue studying at university. It got worse after the end of last semester when I learned that I failed not one, but two subjects out of three. It's as if it wasn't enough that I was already expecting to fail one of them by not doing well in producing any efficient work on the big project, but failing the other subject where I did actually put time and effort into producing it really stinks. Thinking back on it, I feel like I would've done so much better on the assignment that I chose to abandon.

I feel like my motivation really started to dwindle right after the moment I got my results back for the assignments where I really tried. As in, REALLY tried. I was working my butt off at that time. I was going to the university study lounge every day (except for the weekends) just so I can put in some time to work on my assignments and other things, only for me to submit assignments late and get "passable" grades, hardly changing from the grades I used to get when I didn't try as much.

It's also been happening too often that I get thoughts telling my that university is still totally out of my league, wondering how I'm still in classes after three years, and especially wondering how I even got accepted in the first place. I try to avoid them, but there's always something talking at the back of my head saying it's all true. It also doesn't help that I've got some warnings about my grades recently. I should probably speak to the university counsellor about this.

I actually did have a talk with my dad about this recently. He told me that I should take a break after this semester's over. The reason is, if I get kicked out (or whatever the consequence is) and I eventually want to get back in a few years time, I might not be able to study ever again. It's kind of worrying, but I hope I manage to make things work out. Hopefully.